Couples generally have no major problem talking about daily business – what should we do for dinner, who’s picking up the kids, let’s make weekend plans. That’s good. People need to communicate about what’s going on in their daily life.
However, over time, it is not uncommon for one partner to feel pressured by the quality of their communication. Often, though not always, it is the woman who complains that she wants deeper communication. And people who find themselves in a defensive position.
“We need to talk,” it may seem like a simple statement to women, but it’s not. Specifically, if her husband hears, “What am I doing wrong now?” Or, “What makes you upset now?” Trying to get away from the dressing, he might respond, “later.” Which might be fine if you ever come. But usually not. After all, not of his own volition.
Initially, he may believe that “later” has helped him escape a confrontation, but after awhile he realizes, it hasn’t. For she still needs to talk. And if he doesn’t give her a chance to do so, she’ll be stewing.
What does she want? She may want him to be more involved with the responsibilities of home or child care. Or, she may want him to be more involved in her life. She may be weary of the mundane talk that’s the core of their discourse and be yearning for intimate conversations like those that used to take place in the days of courtship. It’s typical for a woman to keep trying to improve the relationship with her partner. But she may go about it in ways that are not particularly productive. What might she do differently? Here are a few suggestions:
Begin with the Positive
It’s so easy to begin a discourse with the negative. …Read more