We Need to Talk: Communication Between Men and Women

We Need to Talk: Communication Between Men and Women

Couples generally have no major problem talking about daily business – what should we do for dinner, who’s picking up the kids, let’s make weekend plans. That’s good. People need to communicate about what’s going on in their daily life.

However, over time, it is not uncommon for one partner to feel pressured by the quality of their communication. Often, though not always, it is the woman who complains that she wants deeper communication. And people who find themselves in a defensive position.

“We need to talk,” it may seem like a simple statement to women, but it’s not. Specifically, if her husband hears, “What am I doing wrong now?” Or, “What makes you upset now?” Trying to get away from the dressing, he might respond, “later.” Which might be fine if you ever come. But usually not. After all, not of his own volition.

Initially, he may believe that “later” has helped him escape a confrontation, but after awhile he realizes, it hasn’t. For she still needs to talk. And if he doesn’t give her a chance to do so, she’ll be stewing.

What does she want? She may want him to be more involved with the responsibilities of home or child care. Or, she may want him to be more involved in her life. She may be weary of the mundane talk that’s the core of their discourse and be yearning for intimate conversations like those that used to take place in the days of courtship. It’s typical for a woman to keep trying to improve the relationship with her partner. But she may go about it in ways that are not particularly productive. What might she do differently? Here are a few suggestions:

Begin with the Positive

It’s so easy to begin a discourse with the negative. Your complaint is right there at the tip of your tongue. Do your best, however, to squelch the urge. Surely, there are positive aspects of your relationship that you can point out before giving a laundry list of all the stuff that’s been bothering you. People get ready when they feel they have been attacked and counterattacked or defended. So, do your best to start with the positive, end with the positive and tuck your complaint in between.

Be More Solution-Oriented

Complaining is a position of the weak. Suggesting a solution is a position of the strong. Instead of saying, “You never….. (fill in the blank), say something like, “I love that you’re such a good dad (as you enumerate a few positive traits).” Then add what it is that you want. “And I want us to spend more time communicating about each other, not just the kids.”

Ask Specifically for What you Want

Do you want to go on vacation without the kids? (Studies show that those who do this have better marriages.) Do you want a date night once a week, once a month? Do you want to have an evening conversation that focuses on each other, not …

It Takes Years of Practice to Know When to Be There for Him

It Takes Years of Practice to Know When to Be There for Him

Many women enter marriages with the idea that they can change their husbands into the man of their dreams as soon as they are wedded. But the more they try to execute their assumed changes the more frustrated they become. And if they continuously attempt to change their husbands’ life style, they end up causing more harm than the harmony they envisaged.

For women to realize harmony in their marriage, they should understand that they could merely be wasting their efforts if they are continuously trying to make their husbands see things the same way as they do. The truth remains that there are some inherent differences in the life style of males and females right from origin.

Consequently, men’s behavioral patterns in terms of reasoning, action and understanding differs in some ways. This difference produces and controls the distinctiveness of every marriage. To this effect, my candid marriage advice to every woman is to bend down and study your husband so that you will be able to predict his footsteps even his next action. This you will not just achieve in a few months, no! It takes years of practice to know when to be there for your him, and when to back off. Men could be desiring your attention at one moment, and afterwards, they can be so resolute on having their own way subsequently.

To be on the safer side, women should constantly be aware of their husbands’ own battles of wanting to be in control, and at the same time desiring to feel the gentle the comfort of your touch. Marriage is not always a bed of roses. It is in fact, one of the major causes of stress in a woman’s life. In married life, comes the responsibility of caring for your husband, yourself, and your children. While doing these things, yet trying hard to get along with your career at the same time. This might not spare much time for you to take care of yourself, as you try to cope with all the daily pressures that come your way. Your husband, probably have the same or more of the daily pressures to handle.

This is when things get a little complicated. As you and your husband try to handle your busy days and, still create the time to come together for intimate mutual relationships as a couple. At times, couples get lost their daily routines, such that they hardly notice the gap developing between them. When you notice that you and your companion are drifting apart, discourse with your husband as regards your intimacy before it becomes late. Map out the time to analyse where your matrimonial relationship is heading to, and find out what ways both of you could develop more on it.

One of the warning signs that your relationship needs some serious attention is when your husband seems withdrawn, and seems to be keeping to himself more and more, then perhaps you had not paid much attention to him. This …